Rebel Rebel

I can't believe it took me this long to realise it: that was exactly what I was looking for. The understanding. The silence. The 'no mention' I had asked for. How could I have missed it? How could I tailor something over two years and completely forgot what I was sewing. I don't believe it. How do I get back there?

If I were to write it again in line with my discovery:

Hey You,

I lost my heart a million times to the sole dream of just talking to you. Everytime I worry or get upset over my past or present issues I remembered the effect you had on me. And I'd imagine sitting beside you and we'd talk. Then I'd go a lil further and be a lil daring. I'd kiss your neck and tell you I love you cus' that is what I want. To love you. I never could fight the desire to love someone as soft and beautiful as you. After all this years, perhaps, what may seemed as an obssession to everyone else but what I understand to be my plain stubbornness, is the reason why I refused to budge. Could you ever stand knowing that the best there is was just beside you? I never could. Obstinate. Whatever it may be. I'd lose my heart over and over again and I'd fall in love over and over again each time I see you. Even if I were with someone else, I'd know she could never come close to you. I never could say it to you. I lost myself somewhere in the past and the possibility of my heart being stamped on is far too scary. I'd die knowing you never wanted to love me. Even if some may beg to differ.. it already hurt me even before I could even try.. I am afraid. I wish you'd figure it out someday. Miracle is the only way. I hope you'd help me.. I'd have loved you with all I've got.

Cheers,
Me.

Flat Truth

i dream of you everyday.
you keep me alive.
they laugh and probably
think i'm stupid.
but i still dream of you.
you make me happy.
i've never met anyone
as genuine as you are.
i imagine all of your
purity in my heart.
and i'd miss you.
miss every second
we spoke and laughed.
they laugh and probably
think i'm stupid.
but i miss you anyways.
i imagine your love
only love and selflessness.
you would never use me.
you would never fool me.
you would never kill me.
you would never harm me.
you would never tear me.
they laugh and probably
think i'm stupid.
but i know you are
the only one left in this world.
and i'd want you one day
cus i long for someone
as pure and sincere as
you can be.

Countryside Dreaming

in my pain I see you dr. love
everynight it is terribly cold
yearning yearning her skin: white dove!
a smile that kissed my soul
and left me alone to say, ask and live.
who could take such a beauty
so lovely, so dreamy, so lively!
oh... the innocence in those blue eyes
in that voice and you've done it
you trounced me with my desires!
i'd die to put my head on your breasts
in the open field of a countryside
the sunlight a witness of my promise
to hear your heartbeat singing
and forever be free from all miseries
to have your small beautiful hands
in mine and give me the space
to tear and to reveal my soul
and I'd slide my head back
to kiss your neck and breathe
and don't ever wake me up...
cause' that's how I want to die.

Succumbing to The Submarine

I am turning into a post-it man: any passing thoughts will be penciled onto a post-it pad. Otherwise, any passing thoughts will be just any passing thoughts regardless of its importance and significance. I am severely lacking in grasping information and pasting it immediately into the memory bank. I lose it as quickly as I hear it. I am losing my mind. I have to re-strategise. Ich weiss nicht.. wiederholen?

Perhaps not. Yes, strategise.

Ich bin Nasrul

juggler
throwing in the air
all the essentials
and my promises
to myself
my only fear?
to throw all of it
into the dustbin.